We all have those thoughts running through our minds …
- “I’ll never be good enough”
- “I’ll never be as successful as her”
- “I can’t do that”
- “I’m not smart enough”
- “I don’t have enough experience”
- “People will think I’m too old/young”
- “What if I fail and look like a total idiot?”
I mean, I could go on for days but I won’t. Building long-term self-confidence is like building a new relationship. It requires vulnerability, honesty, courage and above all else unconditional love, compassion and understanding.
How many times have you allowed your lack of self-confidence to stop you from playing big, showing up, being visible and being proud of your business? Whether that means for you a seed of a business idea, a business you’ve been running on the side, or a business you’ve been building for a few years. The entrepreneurial journey isn’t for everyone, and you’re right, it can feel like the toughest thing you’ve ever put yourself through … because let’s be honest, it’s a lot cushier to be in a ‘safe’ 9-5 receiving a regular income every month. But does that set your soul on fire? Nah.
What makes entrepreneurs (ahem YOU) different, is that you’ve made the decision that you want MORE from life. You want to live life on your own terms. You want to live a life of utter abundance and freedom. So the question is, how can you support yourself through this journey to step into and become the best version of yourself?
1. Honour yourself for where you are right now
It takes an immense amount of courage to step away from the norm. Have you ever taken the time or energy to recognise the empowering decision that you’ve made? Probably not. Like most of us, you struggle to focus on the positive instead of the negative, and that includes the new direction in life you’ve decided to take.
When you make time to honour yourself, you focus energy on why you are of value. Where attention goes, energy flows. So one of the quickest ways to build your self-confidence is by focusing on all the reasons as to why you are a confident, empowering, courageous and incredible woman.
I like to make my clients take five minutes every day (it can be first thing in the morning or last thing at night before you go to sleep) to list three things that you value about yourself. These can be anything from ‘I value my strong, healthy body’ to, ‘I value my kindness’. Get into the habit of recognising your value and honouring yourself for the amazing woman that you are.
2. Identify your self-limiting mind chatter
Is your inner critic on loud twenty-four seven? Does she love to berate you, pick out all of your flaws and in general make you feel like crap? You’re not alone. What you say to yourself daily is incredibly powerful because thoughts become beliefs, which become actions, which become your reality over time. Every repetitive thought you think will eventually create the circumstances you find yourself in
The first step to breaking this vicious cycle is awareness. I always say you can’t change anything that you are not aware of, so I want you to spend time catching yourself in the act.
- What do you to yourself that’s negative, harmful and just plain nasty?
- What type of situations do you find your inner critic is the loudest?
- Can you name the underlying fear behind your self-limiting beliefs? (there may be more than one fear)
- How does it make you feel?
- What self-sabotaging behaviours do you have that only serve to affirm this self-limiting belief?
- Can you think of a situation from your past where this fear and self-limiting belief stems from?
Spend this time
being really curious about your relationship with yourself and how you speak to
3. Reframe your beliefs so that they support you instead of hurt you
Now comes the transformation. How can you take what you’ve just discovered about yourself and all of your self-limiting beliefs and shift them? How can you create a more empowering conversation to have with yourself?
Go through each limiting belief that you wrote down, and next to it or underneath I want you to write out the complete opposite.
For example: “I’m not good enough to be a successful XYZ”
Can be reframed to: “I have absolutely everything I need within me to become the best XYZ”
When you practice reframing, you take away your inner critic’s power. You can see each self-limiting belief for the lie that it is, based on nothing more than fear and a lack of trust. The story you’ve been telling yourself for years CAN be re-written. You CAN have absolutely everything you’ve ever wanted and become the most confident, empowered entrepreneur in your industry. You just have to believe that you can.
4. Celebrate yourself more
This is something that I think women especially suffer from. We feel that self-promotion or celebration is sleazy, egotistical, selfish and unnecessary. But BOY are we wrong. Celebrating yourself not only shifts your focus towards what you’ve done well, what you’ve acquired and achieved or even overcome, but it also allows you to create a track record of your success. Something that is quite easily forgotten.
When you count up and pay attention to every win (no matter how big or small) that you’ve ever had, you prove to yourself that you are of high value and totally capable of achieving anything you want to achieve.
I have what I call a ‘Success Tracker’. This is a little folder on my laptop where I have screenshots of messages from loved ones who have shared their admiration for a quality of mine, testimonials from clients, random messages from strangers who have stumbled across my social media, and moments in my life where I feel really proud of myself. Every time I’m feeling a little insecure or doubting myself, I open up this folder and remind myself of all the things I have to celebrate about myself and my life/business. What would be in your success tracker?
5. Ask for what you need and put yourself first
Asking for what you need, without guilt, is a super powerful practise. You probably struggle to ask for what you need because it makes you feel demanding, annoying and selfish. I used to be your classic people pleaser. My sense of self-worth was directly linked to how much value others perceived in me, from the things that I did for them. And I was exhausted by the age of twenty-one.
I quickly realised that if I was going to be a successful coach than it was something I was going to have to manage. I started to practise building healthy boundaries in all of my relationships, both personal and professional. I developed ways of building boundaries with clients that respected and clearly communicated my needs as well as theirs in a coaching environment.
However, it’s not always that easy because it triggers a lot of emotions and questions around our sense of self-worth when we start implementing boundaries. But, as I mentioned before, the first step is awareness so I want you to complete the following sentences for me.
- Self-care makes me think of …
- When I think about loving myself I feel …
- The reason I don’t care enough for myself as I could do is …
- I could love / honour myself more by …
Reflect on your answers. What do they bring up for you? Where do you need to develop more compassion and kindness towards yourself? From your answers I want you to write five ways that you can commit to loving and honouring yourself this week.
It can be anything that simply makes you feel heard/seen, loved, taken care of… even things that you love doing but have convinced yourself you haven’t got time for.
Make yourself a priority for once because we all know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Instead, fill up your cup and give from the overflow of abundance, love, and kindness that you have for yourself, onto others.
The path to self-love, confidence and acceptance is a journey that needs to be honoured. A journey that will test you, push you, and guide you towards all the limitations you need to overcome, in order to get to where you want to go. So be kind to yourself, love yourself more and show yourself why you have TOTALLY got this.
About the Author
Megan Nicola is a Self-confidence & Mindset Strategist for soul-centred female coaches. She helps frustrated, self-doubting coaches skyrocket their self-confidence, master their money mindset, and implement powerful marketing strategies to create the coaching business of their dreams. Her signature 12 week premium program The Self Belief Mastery, was developed to help women step into the powerful, aligned, confident and wealthy coach they know they’ve always been destined to be.
You can find her online sharing vulnerable, honest and inspiring content to help female coaches worldwide access their inner abundance and untapped potential, to create the business and lifestyle of their dreams.
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