When was the last time you opened your Instagram app and didn’t compare your success to that of another female founder? How often do you scroll as a way to avoid your agenda? Do you find yourself answering client emails past working hours? Or perhaps you fill your basket with new pieces just to keep up appearances with boujie boss babes?

Social media is home to an array of online pressures, such as being available after hours and unrealistic aesthetics plastered in perfectly crafted highlight reels. In a world where you’re surrounded by people living their #bestlife – because if it’s not on social, it might as well have not happened right? – it’s easy to slip down the rabbit hole of being social’s sabotaging servant, when in reality, you can be its master.

It all comes down to your mindset. And recognising what is actually in your control. Because if not, it’s going to hold you back more than you may actually think. Yep, that’s right! Miss Self-Sabotage hasn’t got your back like she paints out.

For example, how many of you feel inspired by those in your feed but then later refer back to their snapshot when your mind does a quick scan and feel slightly envious or less than?

Or how many of you re-record your stories and ponder on your post captions for longer than you’d like to admit because you want it to be “perfect” – sometimes leading to nothing going out at all?

If you raised your hand, I’ve got you. I’ve been here – and on occasion, I find myself still having the odd wobble to this day. But the following have proved powerful in freeing me from the mechanisms underpinning my self-sabotaging ways on social, allowing me to show up with freedom, fulfilment and success on my side – habits my clients have also found combative in the name of self-doubt.


Get your geek on

If you’re feeling the social strain on your long-standing goals, there’s a chance that other womxn are feeling it too – even those raking in the thousands upon thousands. So, be conscious and approach what you’re seeing with a strong, fully aware mindset. What you see (whether that be an intimidating follower account, a confidently crafted video or photoshopped image) isn’t always what you get.

Perfection is an illusion. And the online space has a reputation for being the store front of both personal and corporate brands; a PR gateway. Remember that.


Drop the side eye

It’s time to get the blinkers on, babe. All that pent up frustration and comparison towards an online stranger isn’t going to serve you.

If you feel yourself growing competitive because you dream of success “like her”, why not turn the envy into empowerment?

Instead of feeling comparative and competitive, you can choose to be supportive and collaborative. For example, you could dish out a genuine compliment and ask her how she made that work for her. A reciprocated dialogue that is empowering is a sure-fire way to flip the script on the undermining narrative towards your accomplishments and abilities.


Boundaries are your BFF

I hate to break it to you, but mindlessly scrolling for hours on end isn’t going to get you from A to B. It’s procrastination in full-effect.

As for surrounding yourself with a crowd that doesn’t make you feel good? Well, that’s a recipe for an under-baked slice of self-doubt with a sprinkle of comparison and dollop of self-loathing on top.  

Neither fulfilling or inspiring.

There’s more to you and your life than your online profile. It’s your energy that speaks volumes, so make it count. Protect your vibe by setting the downtime setting on your phone (preferably during the periods you’d typically scroll unconsciously) and having detox days to give you time to live in the real world.

And a good declutter never hurt anybody. If they don’t elevate, show them the gate. You are in control over those you follow and the content you consume; ctrl, alt, del as you see fit.

Clear space, clear mind.


Own who you are

What are you trying to hide? Where are you trying to impress people? People pleasing antics are a major roadblock in the pursuit of self-confidence and happiness.

When you say yes to yourself, think of it as laying another brick of your self -worth. It’s your empire to build!

Mastering your mindset as a worthy career-focused woman will change the game for you. For one, it’ll allow you to create an aligned life you love. While this takes time, you can transform negative thinking each day by showing up with integrity, leading with love and recognising every win – even the smaller ones.

Nobody is you and that is your superpower. And you’re not going to diss your own Shero right? Cos that would be self-sabotage.

Coaching corner prompts for showing up with confidence in the online space

  • In what ways are you currently self-sabotaging?
  • How could you make a positive, intentional contribution on socials today?
  • What mindset are you opening your social apps with?
  • How can you protect your energy in an online space?
  • What or who is serving you online, and what isn’t?
  • What limiting beliefs are you harvesting about yourself?

Where to find me

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Bethany Wright

Bethany Wright

About your author

Bethany Wright is Founder and Fulfilment Coach at female-oriented e-commerce and coaching brand Her Empowerment Room. Bethany helps women like you to fulfil their full potential so they can find inner confidence, clarity and contentment in their lives and career.

You can find out more about Bethany and her business here.

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